Gosh that Pic is an educators worst nightmare.
If you ever ask yourself; how in the WORLD does it get to this point?
The most straightforward answer… ‘you’ Language. (Aka Projection, aka power over). And it actually dates back to our primal, hunting era: because when anything threatens our identity/security, we fight.
That’s why we’re alive today; but that very same thing, could be what kills our classes engagement and connection.
Ok, so what is this foreign thing you’re talking about?
Simply Put:
“I-statements” = LESS Anger/Apathy/Hostility
“You-statements” = MORE Anger/Apathy/Hostility
“You”-statements make young men feel judged. When young men (especially) feel attacked, they become defensive. It’s hard-wired into our DNA. This instantly disengages young men, and triggers their fight/flight response (they are in battle mode, not authentic conversation mode)
“I”-statements show personal accountability. It states that even though he isn’t acting or speaking in the way you’d prefer, you are not blaming him for how you feel. When using “I-statements,” you take responsibility for the part you played and open your mind for deep listening and resolution.
FROM:
“You’re really selfish and you don’t listen to me”
“You don’t care about your studies/work”
“You don’t care about me”
“You won’t get… if you keep…”
TO:
“I feel unheard and frustrated when we talk like this”
“I sense that you’re losing interest in study/work”
“I feel like you don’t care about me when you…”
“It doesn’t feel right giving you… if I keep seeing you…”
Note: Tonality is KEY, how you say “I feel” or “I get” makes a world’s difference.
Usually, the most effective tone is one of grounded empathy.
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